Hacks for National/Personal Energy Saving
Just like the national power grid, we push our bodies to the max until we can see our mapped, lit blob outlines from space. Unlike the national power grid, we have some awareness of when our bodies go into an energy crisis. So kick back, relax, and read these hacks — don’t worry about the power grid, beavers want the river to be used for Bitcoin because they are nature’s engineers.
Think Organic!
When Chevron debuted, dare say, elucidated the American public with the one of the first Superbowl green energy commercials, I went out back and revved my pickup engine until my eye stopped twitching. After that, I was picking out rocks to throw at the Chevron gas pump in town, and one of them was covered in algae. Cursing it out, a bit fell into my mouth and, let me tell you, it gave me so much energy to throw more rocks at gas pumps. Eat algae and you’ll have more energy!
A/C Unit? Ack Unit, More Like It!
Who needs an A/C unit? Anyone who must really need to cool off after a day full of repressing the proletariat! More like Heir Conditioning — honestly, Big A/C (not a bra size) has deceived people long enough. Black market A/C’s provide much more energy efficiency for local homes and neighborhoods. Instead of a bulky, hum-core machines precariously hanging out of half of the window, with the pane keeping the groundlings’ skulls un-fragmented, a black market A/C will save 100% on energy. Steps as follows — follow any of the black market electricians that PM you on Instagram, order an A/C off the menu, then a barrel chested electrician/mountain named Marv will arrive at your house, sit in your window, and hum cool tunes to you. Same thing! Thank me later.
Big Closer — Leaving the Lights On
Light pollution, one might think, equals lightly polluting. However, the light pollution in this regards, isn’t as cool. Two main reasons America needs to limit light pollution — 1. We can’t see the stars at night 2. It pisses off Hawaiians.
This can also be seen in personal energy saving, too. Always “being on” and performing in one’s meat suit (carne ascotta) can totally drain energy. Two main reasons to conserve personal energy: 1. So one can travel far enough away to see the stars at night 2. To flee from pissed off Hawaiians (see: Zuck).
So, to all those li’l B12’s reading this, hack away! Please allow this to be a field manual for the new power that awaits in the human mind and heart. Do the A/C hack! Or the light one! Maybe even go to the EPA and just. start. hacking. Enjoy!
